u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
