so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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