Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
