Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
