i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
