are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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