Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
