at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
