Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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