I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do herpes really smell.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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