So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
