haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
