your thong is hanging out like whoa
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
