Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
