There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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