Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize