She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
