OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
