I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
