you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
