Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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