everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
