i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
