I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
