I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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