I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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