my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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