i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
