apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
