I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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