The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize