Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
