I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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