I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
