she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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