i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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