we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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