Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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