is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
