she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
