I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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