Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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