dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
