My hand turned me down
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
