i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
