break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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