Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
