I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
