You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
