Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
