70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
