explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know her cup size but not her name....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
