I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize