My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
