they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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