I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
