can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
