Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
