Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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