But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize