It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize