I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
