you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
