I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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