Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
