After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
