i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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