dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
