can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You took a bar mat shot.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
