the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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