Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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