Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
