Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
