All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
