Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
